she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
