I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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