She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
