Dual....:-)
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
