You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
