Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
