The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
