Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
