I skipped work to stalk him.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
