after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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