I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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