Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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