Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize