Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
