Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
