So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
