She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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