don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
