Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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