How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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