we made out on top of his cat.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
