If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
