I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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