so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
