I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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