My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
