If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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