Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize