this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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