we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
