If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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