if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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