i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
