I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
birth control should be required to get into college
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
