dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
