fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
