he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
