We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
