And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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