the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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