Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
