I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
