and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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