the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
