Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
