After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
