y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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