Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
