I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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