We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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