how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize