Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
