God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
