just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
