i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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