just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
