Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
