You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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