Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
