how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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