We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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