I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
