so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
