How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
