apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
