I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize