you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
