I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
