Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
40s are totally the cure
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
