he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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