ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
