guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You left your phone here
Wait...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
